I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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