remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
love makes seman taste better
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
