I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
