my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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