I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
