Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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