I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
