Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
