We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
