Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
