Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
