from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
