wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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