Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drake has all the answers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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