Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
