You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
