id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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