Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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