The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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