I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
