My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
