her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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