Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
