y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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