I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
