Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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