If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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