u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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