just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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