I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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