I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
