The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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