My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there was a trapeze. enough said
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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