you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you are never too drunk for berry picking
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
