I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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