listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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