New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
