I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We are two peas in an std pod
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
