is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
