i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
