I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
