My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
