I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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