My nipple is on Facebook.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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