Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
