He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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