He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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