I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He felt like a one man threesome
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
