so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
