I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
