There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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