maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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