I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
