I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
