hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
